Dear Abby: Jealousy creates a barrier between biological siblings


DEAR ABBY: I am an American who was adopted at a young age. Several years ago, I reunited with my biological parents. They are not from America. My mother came here to give birth and left. Some time later, she married my father and had other children. I am in contact with the whole family, but mainly my biological parents.

My biological siblings are jealous of my success in life and clearly say they don’t approve of much of what I do. They also make sure that I know I’m not REALLY family because we haven’t grown up together (even though we are, by blood, 100% siblings).

I handle this the best I can, but now I am criticized by them for my political views. (They saw a photo of me at a political fundraiser.) When my sister turned 40 this year, I sent her a card, a Facebook post, and a text message. I was 50 at the same time and I haven’t heard a word from her.

Although my siblings are not Americans, they feel the need to wreck our country, our government and our way of life. I am tempted to cut ties with them. There is little respect in my path, and I think I have had enough. I appreciate your opinion, which is why I am writing to you now.

BTW: I had an amazing set of parents (now deceased) and wonderful siblings growing up. I just wish I had a better relationship with my biological family. – Disappointed and excluded

Dear disappointed: Your family is the family that raised and nurtured you. I too am sorry that you do not have a better relationship with these jealous and critical people. You are related by blood – nothing more. They don’t have the right to criticize your political opinions or your lifestyle, any more than you have the right to criticize theirs. (And I doubt you would.) Because you are neither respected nor included, you have every right to step back and point yourself in a different, more positive direction. Frankly, I guess you’ll feel better as soon as you do.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 26 year old male in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 18 years old. I love her to the moon and back, but I feel like she only stays with me because I can buy her things. She gets mad at me when I don’t have them for her. She says I appreciate my mom and the others before her.

I love her so much and want to marry her. I am a pastor in a church. She thinks she should get priority over my bills and take care of my mom, who can barely walk. What do I do? – UNEASY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ASIA: From what you’ve written, it looks like you’re involved with an 18-year-old self-involved gold digger who seems to be with you only because of what you give him. She has yet to learn (1) that a gift should be voluntary and appreciated, rather than extorted, and (2) the way a man treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife.

Ever since you asked for my advice, this is it: shut your wallet and drop that “girl”.

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DEAR READERS: Well, 2020, a year like no other in recent memory, is coming to an end! I join you this evening in raising a toast to 2021 which will be less difficult for all of us. If you are celebrating this evening, please take steps to protect your health and the safety of others. – LOVE, ABBY

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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